Cooking with Chef Bobo


As we mourn the recent death of Koko, the celebrity gorilla, who was taught sign language and is said to have understood some two thousand words of spoken English, we look forward to further simian achievements. For instance, the New York Times has reported on research by Harvard and Yale scientists which demonstrates that chimpanzees “have the cognitive ability to cook, if only someone would give them ovens.” Give them Koko’s advanced language skills, too, and we would really have something.

Excerpts from “In Bobo’s Kitchen” (Clarkson Potter, 2019):

Introduction

Orangutan no cook. Gorilla no cook. Chef Bobo cook. Bobo teach you cook. Cook cook cook. Food. Chef Bobo.

Bobo have kitchen. Chef Bobo kitchen. Bobo have shiny copper pot, shiny Japanese knife, tire swing.

No like cook? Bobo tear face. Now like cook? Chef Bobo.

Chef Bobo like leaves, bark, insect, small meat, asparagus. No like morels.

Soft-Shell Crabs with Spring Garlic and Peas

4 soft-shell crabs, cleaned

2 stems spring garlic

1 cup shelled peas

1 tablespoon butter

salt and termites to taste

Stir. Stir. Chef Bobo stir food. Bobo put food on hot place. Fifteen penis touches. Finish penis, finish food. Throw toque.

Whole-Wheat Spaghetti with Clams, Sausage, Grubs, and Parsley

1 pound whole-wheat spaghetti

1 dozen littleneck clams

½ pound merguez sausage, chopped

½ cup parsley

½ cup breadcrumbs

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 tablespoon butter

many grubs. Grubs good. Bobo like.

Make water hot. Sticks in water. While sticks water make hot, Bobo eat little meat pieces. Young male intrude Bobo territory, touch Bobo six-burner Wolf range. Bobo puff fur. Arms raise. Show teeth. Throw rest food. Show teeth more. More throw. Oook, oook. Young male display hindquarters, retreat. Bobo eat rest food. Bobo mount receptive female. Chef Bobo. Oook.

Grandma Koko’s Sunday Meatballs

1 pound ground beef

1 pound ground pork

1 pound ground veal

½ cup Parmesan cheese

½ cup breadcrumbs

2 eggs

leaves, berries, bark, groomed lice (can substitute fleas or, where available, tapeworms)

Big meat, bark, lice in bowl. Grab meat. Not throw. Eat meat. More meat. Bobo full. Bobo females eat meat. Bobo females full. Bobo make Bobo water on rest meat. Mark territory, wine cellar with rest Bobo water meat. Ten penis touches, James Beard award.

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