9 queer women on the hardest thing they had to figure out about same-sex relationships


1. “Peeing! On a first date with a woman, and I said I was going to go to the washroom. She was like ‘oh me too!’ I had a very shy bladder that night…” [via]

2. “Having to figure out how to have a relationship without the traditional model that we have for male-female relationships. You never really realise just how ingrained this stuff is until you try to have a same-sex relationship. You feel like you really have to work from the ground up to figure out how you want it to work, because there’s no societal expectations at play whatsoever. Having that experience really showed me a lot, and now I give way more thought and reflection to the dynamics in my heterosexual relationships than I probably ever would have otherwise.” [via]

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3. “That weird mix of attraction and jealousy when your partner is beautiful.” [via]

4. “How we interact with my friend group. My best friends are three hetero married couples. The partners have been heavily involved in the friend group for years now, so we all have in depth personal friendships with the spouses as well, and not just in the context of so-and-so’s husband.

“But then I started dating a lady, and I don’t even think it was deliberate, but people stopped inviting me with a partner to couple activities. It seriously wasn’t that they didn’t like her, or that they were trying to snub me. I think they were just leaving me out of their more coupley plans, the way they very naturally did when I was single, forgetting that I was in a relationship too. After a few years, we’ve all kinda figured it out and it feels a lot more natural. But for a while there, it was just a new thing for them to get used to.” [via]

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“Dealing with a lot of invalidation, and even threats”

5. “For me personally, it was: which of us is going to make the first move/be the aggressor? My ‘dar is so messed up that I just gave up on making the first move, and figured if a lady was interested in me enough that she would go for it. Unfortunately there are probably many circumstances where the other gal felt the same way, and so nothing ever happened.” [via]

6. “Navigating the difficulty and potential dangers of being in public in a relationship that many people consider sinful and wrong.” [via]

7. “I think the most difficult thing for me is figuring out whether a woman I’m interested in is attracted to women, and open to a serious relationship with another woman, then asking her out or making a move. I am fine taking initiative on dating apps or websites, but when you meet someone in a neutral context offline it can be hard to navigate these waters.” [via]

8. “I never had any issues figuring out a same-sex relationship alone. But I always had a lot of issues figuring out other people and their reactions. Dealing with a lot of invalidation, and even threats by people who think your relationship is a public porn show. It made me feel like I had to be careful what I say or do around others, when I probably wouldn’t have felt as cautious in an opposite-sex relationship.” [via]

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9. “Actually, most parts of same-sex relationships felt super, super natural to me. It was almost like all those parts of different-sex relationships that were hard and confusing suddenly made sense in the context of dating a girl. But, I think that learning to deal with the constant homophobia and harassment took some time. Pretty much wherever I am, I can’t really go out and hold hands with a woman in public without getting at least a couple comments and a lot of stares. I have been groped at clubs when dancing with female partners, and I’ve gotten unwelcome threesome propositions even after making it clear that I’m fully gay.” [via]



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