After They Tackle Post Malone, We Want Them to Handle Zac Efron


The beauty of Netflix’s Queer Eye is the revolutionary transformations bestowed upon unkempt straight men and the terror of it is our newly critical assessment of every stray beard hair on their faces. Now that we know the power of the Fab 5, we want to harness it for ourselves to makeover the messes in our lives.

Related: culture expert and renowned healer of confidence, Karamo Brown, tweeted that numerous people have been requesting the Fab 5 to overhaul rapper Post Malone’s aesthetic.

To which Post Malone replied:

In the spirit of this exchange, here are a five straight men the editors at Urban Daddy would like to watch the Fab 5 rescue.

Guy. Fucking. Fieri. 
This is a job for food expert and guacamole guru Antoni. Imagine Antoni going into Guy Fieri’s restaurant and just, oh I don’t know, simplifying some of the flashy appetizers. Of course, the restaurant is now closed (a sigh of relief) so I will accept Jonathan simplifying his hair instead.

Jonathan Franzen
I’m already picturing Tan standing in a large walk in closet with the cranky novelist and asking him what he visualizes as he gets dressed each morning. What if we added some color to the wardrobe? Has Franzen considered a French Tucker before?

Donald Trump 
Controversial for sure, but arguably the only hope we have for Trump is the Fab 5 cracking through his peanut brittle exterior and finding some small thread of humanity. Jonathan can tackle his eyebrows and Bobby can de-camp the bawdiness of Trump Tower. 

Zac Efron 
Have we seen Efron’s new dreadlocks? Horrifying on many levels. Get him in Jonathan’s chair, STAT. 

Leonardo DiCaprio 
Leo may be attractive, dress decently and play competitive games of beach volleyball, but an afternoon with Karamo might uncover why he can’t date anyone over the age of 23 and 115 pounds. Just feels like there are some underlying issues there, no?

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