Tell Me About It: Man's travel arrangements are a red flag


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Q: I am in a fairly new relationship (three months) with an attorney who divorced after 25 years of marriage. He loves to travel and told me that since he has a lot of airline miles, he books coach and always gets an upgrade to first class.

So when he and his wife, and then one girlfriend before he met me, traveled together, she sat in coach and he took the upgrade and sat in first class.

I really don’t like the thought of that type of arrangement, as I find the message rather insulting. I think he should either sit in coach with me or pay extra for me to sit with him in first class. And I also don’t know what to say to make him see that this is demeaning. Any suggestions?

Anonymous

A: “Thank you for giving me, upfront, this unobstructed view of your character.

“Now please lose my number.”

Either that, or you forfeit your right to be surprised when his self-centeredness affects you in more significant ways and after you’re much more emotionally invested.

Refusal to solve issues suggests immaturity

Q: What’s your best recommendation about living with someone who stays in denial when discussing something? The problem gets stated and the answer given is usually a distraction, so the topic goes off the rails. When mentioned again, there’s a joke. Mentioned again and the answer is, “I’ll have to think about that.” And there’s never any initiative to bring the topic back up.

Denial

A: Where you can, solve problems unilaterally.

Where you can’t act alone, stand there and insist on an answer.

When you still don’t get adult responses: Recognize you are living with someone too emotionally stunted to function in a relationship. That means you change either your expectations, or your living arrangements.

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