I am the worst at moving on. I am that girl who even though I’m breaking your heart, I want to “still be friends.” To echo the words of my best friend, “Yeah, honey, that’ll never work.”
We’re all guilty of running back to those who we’re comfortable with. In the three relationships I’ve had in 21 short years, I have gone back to each guy, relapsing as if they are a drug I suddenly realized I missed. In the case of one, he and I broke up four separate times, each of which ended with a furious argument. Until, of course, that late-night text filled with regret came in, and I was leaving home at 1 a.m. to spend a night with him. I thought I was doing my exes a favor by not ignoring their feelings and sticking around in their lives, but really, I was ignoring mine.
My mom has a repeating phrase: “Sex changes you.” Although I can’t say how many times I’ve rolled my eyes, thinking she was trying to keep my teenage mind from getting any ideas, it’s time to admit she is right. Not only for me, but for everyone reading this.
This isn’t a parental rant about premarital sex or abstinence. This is a call for everyone to stop sacrificing their happiness in a relationship because the sex is great.
Having a phenomenal sexual connection can blind you. It takes over the bond you have with someone and convinces you that everything is great as long as the sex is. Maybe that’s why make-up sex feels so fantastic. You think that all the pent up anger and frustration you unleashed on your partner beforehand has dissipated, and all is well again. But is it?
I am exhausted from watching my friends run back to their “sex-es.”
And then I watched my friend Allison cry herself to sleep at 3 a.m. after I chased her angry ex-boyfriend off the phone. I listened to her talk about how she wanted a happy relationship, and he couldn’t provide that. But a month later, we’re in the car as she seductively describes the amorous weekend the two of them had. And, oh, by the way, “we’re back together.” Like a good friend, I asked if that made her happy, and she replied affirmatively. I think even she knew she was lying.
So she texted me: “I haven’t heard from him all day. I’m tired of him treating me like s—.” But guess who then had another great romantic weekend together?
Intimacy in a relationship is important, but so is your happiness. Stop thinking that great sex makes up for the empty space in your chest. Fight for what you deserve from a partner before you reach that step.
Jackie Osborne is a senior studying journalism at Ohio University. Do you agree? Tweet her @JackieOu_ohyeah.