Dear food bloggers: Busy moms just want the Instant Pot recipe, not your life story

I felt like I joined a cult when I bought my Instant Pot.

Friends who were early adopters of the “microwave of Crock-pots” had an almost maniacal glow when they talked up the virtues of the Instant Pot. They were somewhere on the scale between Recently Baptized and Essential Oils MLM Salesperson (you get to decide which is more intense).

“It will change your life,” they promised me.

So I waited for a sale and, once assured I would not have to buy a denim jumper to go with it or start paying half my salary for mandatory monthly Instant Pot seminars, I brought one of the magical pressure cookers home.

It now sits on a velvet cushion in my living room and commands my complete obedience.

Kidding. It’s a kitchen appliance. It lives in a velvet-lined cupboard and gets only partial obedience.

It’s fast, it doesn’t heat up my kitchen and it’s easy to use and clean. So far we’ve used it mostly for last-minute chili and a few roasts. I’d like to use it for more, but it seems the recipe sites I usually go to haven’t caught up to the Instant Pot thing yet. Which leaves me to the mercy of the bloggers.

But bloggers, it seems, are not interested in giving me a simple recipe and letting me go on my way.

No. Bloggers want to tell me a mother-fudging STORY first.

“Want to read a great recipe for Instant Pot chicken breasts?” they tease. “First you’ll have to scroll through a long-winded narrative about my daughter Stella’s first oboe recital until your thumbs fall off.”

And then you can’t use your Instant Pot. Because you have no thumbs.

I get that bloggers are trying to build brands and voices and monetize whatever buzzwords they’re using in blog school these days. But here’s the thing:

I. Don’t. Care.

I just want to know what I can dump on those chicken breasts so my kid who lives mainly on McNuggets and air will give it a try. Double points if my kid will eat it AND I already have the ingredients in my house.

Some bloggers take a little pity and give you a button to push to take you straight to the recipe at the end. Thank you, kind bloggers. But it turns out I don’t have the patience for even that. I’m a mom. My default setting is Tired.

Loading a page takes almost too long. You think I’m going to wait for the button to take me to the ingredient list to see if I need to make a special trip to the store before I even consider following your recipe?

Not happening.

Anyway, now that I’ve got you to the bottom of my post, here’s a great recipe for Instant Pot chicken breasts.

Kidding. You’re going to have to Google. Good luck.


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