Meal-Kit Recipes for Foods I Can Actually Make – The New Yorker


Sandwich to Maybe Impress Someone

Everyone knows that food is the quickest way to a person’s heart. But what if you can barely cook? That’s why you got a meal kit—duh! I could give this sandwich a name like Engagement Chicken, but it doesn’t have that reliable a success rate.

Ingredients:

  • 3 slices bread

  • 2 slices sharp cheddar cheese

  • 2 slices thick-cut turkey (the kind that looks like maybe you cooked
    the turkey)

  • 3 apple slices (What?! Where could I be going with this?)

  • 1 package of store-bought pesto (Your date will wonder if you made it
    yourself, and you totally could have, it’s not that hard, but you
    don’t want to clean your food processor.)

  • 1 tbsp. mayo

Steps:

  • Put two slices of bread in the toaster. The third is for you to snack
    on while you wait. You’re welcome.

  • Mix the pesto and the mayo. Now you have aioli! Right? Is this aioli?
    Doesn’t matter, spread it on both pieces of bread.

  • Layer turkey and cheddar on the bread.

  • Now add the apple on top. It’s a crazy flavor combination you weren’t
    expecting!

  • Give it to someone you want to impress. Or just talk about it in
    front of someone you want to impress.

“Grilled” Peanut Butter and Jelly

I created this recipe when I found myself in a real meal rut. See, back then, there weren’t meal-kit-delivery services to pull you out of these ruts. I just had to sit and wallow until I came up with this.

Ingredients:

  • 3 slices bread

  • 3 tbsp. crunchy peanut butter

  • 1 tbsp. raspberry jam

Steps:

  • Put two slices of bread in the toaster. You know the drill. The third
    is for eating. Toasting takes longer than you think.

  • While the bread is still hot, spread peanut butter over both slices.

  • Spread jam over one side.

  • Press the slices of bread together.

  • That’s it. It’s not really grilled, but it kind of feels like it is,
    because the bread is crunchy and the peanut butter is warm and gooey.

Cheese Melted Over Pasta

This dinner was an accidental creation, like chocolate-chip cookies or penicillin, born of a simple question: Isn’t mac and cheese just melted cheese and pasta? The answer—a resounding “no.”

Ingredients:

  • 1 box dry pasta

  • 1 bag shredded cheddar cheese

  • 2 tbsp. hot sauce (approx. 5 packets left over from Mexican takeout)

Steps:

  • Boil water. You can do this! I would include measurements, but I
    don’t know what a quart is and neither do you.

  • Once the water is boiling, add the pasta. By now, I should have
    learned what a single serving of pasta is, but I haven’t, so just
    make the whole box and eat what you eat.

  • Wait . . . seven minutes? Ten? I lost track. Just keep trying the
    pasta until it’s cooked-pasta consistency. Drain.

  • Put the pasta back in the pot, pour bag of cheese over it, and stir.
    You can use whatever fork you’re going to eat with.

  • Add hot sauce like this will make it mac and cheese, but understand
    that it will absolutely not make it mac and cheese.

Bowl of Cereal

This is a meal that I’ve loved since college. It’s the perfect dinner for those busy nights when you just don’t have the mental bandwidth to use a stove. Make sure you’re constantly justifying eating cereal for dinner (Hard week at work? Mercury in retrograde?), so that it doesn’t seem so sad.

Ingredients:

  • Almond milk

  • 1 box cornflakes you bought because they seem a little healthier

Steps:

  • Get a clean bowl. Please get a clean bowl. If you use a mug or, God
    forbid, a pot, it’ll make it so, so much sadder.

  • Pour cornflakes in the bowl.

  • Pour almond milk over cornflakes.

  • Find a spoon. DO NOT USE A WOODEN SPOON MEANT FOR STIRRING. That
    makes it too sad!

  • Enjoy in front of the TV, watching a show you’ve already seen. You
    barely had the capacity to put together a meal for yourself; tonight
    is not the night to try to get into a new prestige drama.

Leftover Cheese Melted Over Pasta

Grocery shopping is overwhelming, and honestly even the idea of leaving the house is daunting. This meal is perfect if your roommate is gone for the weekend and you just need something to sustain you for walks from your bed to the bathroom. Bon appétit!

Ingredients:

  • Leftover Cheese Melted Over Pasta from two nights ago, last week,
    whatever, what is time

Steps:

  • Put the bowl in the microwave for like . . . a minute? I don’t know.

Postmates

Do you like Thai food? Greek food? Italian food? Well, great, so do I. This meal is whatever you want it to be, whenever you want it.

Ingredients:

  • A coupon for Postmates

Steps:

  • Enter the coupon code in your Postmates app.

  • Realize that it’s not a coupon for the food, just for the delivery
    fee.

  • Scream heavenward for approximately thirty seconds.

  • Order pad thai because it’s what you want, and you deserve it. And,
    hey, no delivery fee.

  • Realize that you have to order three portions of pad thai to meet the
    delivery minimum.

  • Order three portions of pad thai.

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